Building Positive Teacher-Student Relationships
Surrendering the One-Up: building relationships through intentionality, shared voice, and partnership
Surrendering the One-Up is a set of practical strategies and activities that help educators build authentic, caring relationships where students feel understood, valued, and safe.
The free sample is WhyTry’s Surrendering the One-Up workshop handout: an introduction to the approach, 20 practical strategies for K–12 classrooms, and planning pages to help you choose your first strategy.
The Relationship Shift
Schools naturally place educators and students in different roles. Adults carry important responsibilities, and they also make most of the decisions: where students sit, what they learn, how they are assessed, and how the classroom operates.
Over time, some students may feel that school is something being done to them rather than something they help create. That is a one-down experience: little voice, little influence, little ownership. When a one-up relationship makes students feel less important, less capable, or less valued, they may become less willing to trust, participate, take risks, or accept influence from the adults trying to help.
The shift
- Consistently communicate that every student has value and worth, regardless of success, failure, or behavior.
- Create greater equity in the relationship.
- Recognize students as the experts in their own lives.
- Offer appropriate voice and choice, show vulnerability, and prioritize the student’s well-being as a person.
This is not permissiveness
Surrendering the One-Up does not mean giving up your authority, lowering expectations, or eliminating rules, boundaries, accountability, consequences, or structure. Students need caring adults who provide clarity, consistency, and support. The opportunity is to become more intentional about how authority is used: to create greater voice, ownership, and participation.
Four Messages That Transform the Relationship
Surrendering the One-Up is not a single activity. It is a way of communicating. The strategies in the handout build student connection, student empowerment, and student-centered partnership through four messages. Examples below come from the Surrendering the One-Up workshop handout.
See Me
Creates connection
“You notice me. You know who I am. You are interested in understanding my story.”
Example strategies
- Use Their Name—Every Time
- Ask for Their Story
Value Me
Establishes belonging and dignity
“My worth is not determined by my behavior, grades, mistakes, or success.”
Example strategies
- The Reset Conversation
- Write Personal Notes That Matter
Empower Me
Gives voice, choice, influence, and agency
“My ideas matter. I can make choices, contribute, lead, and take responsibility.”
Example strategies
- Offer Meaningful Choices
- Students as Teachers
Partner With Me
Creates shared ownership and community
“We are building this classroom, learning experience, and community together.”
Example strategies
- Create a Class Identity
- Work Toward a Shared Class Goal
What the Free Sample Offers
The Surrendering the One-Up workshop handout is an educator resource with 20 practical strategies for K–12 classrooms. Inside you will find:
- An introduction to the one-up relationship and what it means to surrender it
- Five strategies in each area: See Me, Value Me, Empower Me, and Partner With Me
- For each strategy: what it is, why it works, and what it communicates to students
- Planning pages to choose a first strategy and a next step, and to build your relational repertoire
The strategies are a starting point, not a checklist. The goal is to build enough intentional options to respond thoughtfully to different students and groups.
Why This Matters in Schools
Educators already know relationships matter. The challenge is becoming more intentional about building them, especially with students who withdraw, disengage, or resist when they do not feel understood or connected.
Surrendering the One-Up aims to change how students experience school. When students feel seen, valued, empowered, and included as partners, they often respond differently. Engagement, motivation, perseverance, cooperation, resilience, responsibility, and ownership can grow from those experiences.
The Intentionality Test
At the end of the day, can you identify something you intentionally did to help your students feel seen, valued, empowered, or included as partners? The goal is not perfection. It is greater awareness, consistency, and intentionality.
Take the Next Step
See how WhyTry can support your school or team with practical tools and training for building strong relationships with students.
Start With One Strategy
Download the free handout and choose what your students most need to experience from you right now.